My husband is in the field all this week. They are firing all the various weapons they've been learning how to use. This normally would mean no phone calls for me, but my husband took his cell phone out into the field with him so I was actually able to talk to him on Monday night. I was lifeguarding at the pool so it wasn't really a good time to have a long conversation though. Plus he had a horrible signal and had to be quiet as well because it was rack time so I could barely hear him for most of the conversation. Hearing his voice just made my day though.

It's rather strange but I actually miss getting letters from my husband. When he went to boot camp all we had were letters and officer's training we relied mainly on letters with an occasional phone call. Now that he has a chance to call me at the very least twice a week, I'm finding that I wish he still had time to write me. Don't get me wrong. I love being able to talk to him on the phone, there's nothing better than hearing his voice and know that at that very instant he's okay. It's scary to think about the families of armed forces killed in the "sandbox" who still get letters even after the official notice. When you get a phone call there's no wondering about what has happened to them in between the time they wrote the letter and the time that you got it. But there's something wonderful about letters. They're tangible. You can hold them, see them, and smell them. And if you're ever feeling down you can always re-read them. Things that a phone call just can't do. I guess what I'm saying, to use a very old cliché, is that I want to have my cake and eat it too.

Well my trip to see my husband could have been better. But seeing him makes everything worth it. My luggage didn't make it with me on my last flight so I didn't get it until the next morning. My husband's Company was the only one who had to secure from Liberty on Sunday instead of Monday. The worst part though was that he got very sick. He was tired, feverish, and achey all day Saturday. We finally got a thermometer and on Sunday his temprature was 103.5. I took him to the Naval hospital on base. His temprature there was only 99. The doctor thought it was either strep throat or Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever since my husband had found a tick on him a few days earlier. They took a throat culture and blood sample and prescribed penicillin and Tylenol in the mean time. We walked downstairs from the emergancy room (it was Easter Sunday nothing else was open) and picked up his prescrition at the pharmacy just like that. We went back to our hotel and he started feeling bad again. His temprature went back up to 102.5. This was maybe an hour before he had to leave to report back to his company. I wanted him to go back to the hospital but he called the doctor and found that there really wasn't anything that he could do. So even though the officer on duty would have let him report in later so he could rest some more, he went in on time. Sometimes it's frustrating that my husband is such a good Marine, because he doesn't take an opportunity like that. But at the same time I know that it's a reflection of his character as a person and that's something that I love about him.

I leave tomorrow to go see my husband. Right now I can't even describe the excitement and apprehension about these next few days. I'm excited, obviously, about seeing my husband again. The apprehension stems from having to travel by myself for the first time and having to spend a night in a hotel by myself after saying goodbye to him. I'm still hoping that things will change and they'll get 96 hours of liberty like the rest of the base instead of just 72, but not really expecting that it will happen. It's funny about going to see him after being apart for awhile. When I'm thinking about it or planning for it, I usually envison us going to the beach or other various "activities." But in reality we almost always end of doing very boring and "ordinary" things like going for walks and holding each other. I guess it's because those ordinary, everyday things are what I miss the most when he's gone.

Well my husband has gotten into his Machine Gun section at his training school. This is good news for me and him. Apparently the other sections are spending mutiple nights out in the field which has been very rainy lately. My husband's section will no longer be spending nights in the field. This means more phone calls for me. He has been able to call me every day so far this week. It's weird to think that in less than a week I'll get to see him again. But I'm not looking forward to saying goodbye to him again. For several hours after we left the guys and started home I just sat there crying and praying that he would be able to call me that night. (He eventually was able to call me) Some people say that seeing each other in between actually makes it harder. They say that having to see each other and then say goodbye again is harder than just not being able to see each other. I definitely agree that it is very hard to see my husband, spend every single minute with him for a weekend, and then have to say goodbye again. It's kind of like going through withdrawl. But I wouldn't trade that time we had together for anything. At this point the only thing I have to look forward to is seeing him again. It's a lot easier to count down the days in a couple weeks than in a couple months.

I can't believe that I'm leaving to see my husband tomorrow and the day after that I'll be in his arms again. It's a good thing I'll get to see him this weekend because I haven't been able to talk to him all week. Usually one weekday evening he has a chance to call me. If it weren't for this trip I would be really depressed right now. I've just been planning our trip for the past week: buying snacks, reserving a hotel, buying a new bathing suit and some other trip essentials. The only thing that I'm worried about is saying goodbye to him again. I know that when I have to say goodbye I'll be able to look forward to seeing him again in two weeks, but it's always hard to say goodbye to someone you love.

I'm going to see my husband this weekend! One of the other wives from my husband's unit decided to drive down this weekend to see her husband. Her husband told my husband and offered a seat in his wife's car to me. So I'm going to drive down with three complete strangers (this marine's wife and two of her girlfriends) to see my husband. 16 hours in a car with people I've never met. It should be interesting. I'm going to bring a book that way if they feel weird about me being there I can just keep to myself. I have to miss some classes and the first track meet of the season but it will be worth it to see my husband. We've reserved a hotel room down there and we just plan on relaxing and spending time together. We really don't have any plans except I want to go to the beach and there's some stuff that my husband wants to buy off-base. I'm going to see him over Easter so I've been counting down to that since he left. Suddenly we've gone from being 17 days away from seeing each other to three (not counting today). I can hardly wait.

Well yesterday I got the first letter from my husband. And I also got the letter that the airport employee was supposed to mail. Apparently he's not a jerk, just incompetent. Thankfully today I got the letter that the radio station should have read on my birthday, had it gotten there on time. In addition I was able to talk to my husband last night. He wasn't supposed to be calling but he did anyway. He got promoted to squad leader! Him getting promoted is great for both of us because they decided that squad leaders didn't have to have fire watch. That means more sleep for him and more time for him to talk to me. God keeps reminding me how blessed I really am. It sounds like his company is over there in the "sandbox." I can't even think about the fact that he could be over there right now instead of doing training here in the states. Compared to a year apart, with virtually no communication, letters taking three weeks to go one way I'll take the month that we'll be apart before I get to see him again (albeit for only a few days), the at least weekly phone calls, and the three to four days it takes a letter to travel. It may sound strange but I am truly blessed.

So my birthday was this past Sunday and, obviously, my husband had to miss it. He tried to get a radio station to read a letter to me on the air but things didn't work out. But only because the airport employee he gave the letter to (the airport in question doesn't have mailboxes in it anymore because of 9/11 so he had to get someone to mail it for him) screwed him over and never mailed it. However, my husband, being the hopelessly romantic and sweet guy that he is, still gave me a birthday present. I was meeting my mother-in-law the day before my birthday for a quack appt. and then she wanted my help picking out flowers for a women's event that she was involved with. We went to a local organic grocery store that sells loose roses for $11 a dozen - my husband always gets me flowers from there. Anyway, she had me and my sister-in-law pick out 5 dozen roses. We got back to the office where my father-in-law works and she told me that the roses were actually for me. My husband had arranged the whole thing and wanted me to have them for my birthday. Now nothing could compare to having my husband with me, but can you blame me for loving this guy?

My husband was able to call me last night on his cell phone. At first they were told that when they had "square-away" time they could use cell-phones, CD players, chargers, etc. We were both really happy about that because pretty much unless they're out in the field they get square-away time every night. Even though his training does involve a lot of time out in the field it would mean at least probably two or three calls a week, at least. But then another commanding officer told them they couldn't use their cell phones and stuff. We were both pretty upset but we figured then at least we'd probably get one phone call a week. Last night I found out that my husband realized that the second guy has said they couldn't use their cell phones in the barracks so as long as they're outside on their square-away time it's okay. That is such great news for us.

I'm beginning to learn that when you're involved with the Marine Corps hope can kill you. Whenever I'm hoping that my husband will be able to call and he isn't I am simply devestated. However, if I expect that he won't get a chance to call me and he does, well that can make my day. I'm also learning to find peace in this situation. God planned things out in our lives so that Wil could spend this time in the States training. Because of God's grace he is in a place where he can call me occasionally, mail takes only a few days, and I will get to visit him. Sometimes it's hard to see the blessings that God gives us when a situation is this difficult, but I thank Him that Wil is here in the US instead of in Kuwait. I still don't understand why my husband had to be taken away from me and maybe I never will, but right now I'm very grateful for the way the Lord has blessed us. There are many military families, including most of those from his unit, who aren't nearly as fortunate.

It's been awhile since I've written. Last week was Spring Break and I've also been spending every last minute with my husband. He left on Tuesday. Someone recently told me to expect anything with the Marine Corps - I'm learning to expect to get screwed over. About two weeks ago my husband learned that his school date would be pushed back until March 25th. He wasn't crazy about that because he was tired of having to go back and forth to the drill center. Plus he was just ready to get going and get done. I, however, was very excited. One more week with my husband was an amazing gift, plus it meant that he'd be there for my birthday on the 23rd. The only downside was that he'd have to go to California instead of North Carolina so the chances that I would be able to go see him if he got liberty would be pretty slim. About a week ago my husband called me from the drill center to let me know that his date had gotten moved back up to the 18th. The only good thing about this is that he's back in North Carolina so I might be able to rent a car, split the cost, and drive down there with the wife of another Marine from his company.

Well my husband didn't get to come home last night. They got released from the drill center really late because they were waiting for some guys to bring some weapons from up north - oh wait - they were out in a garage behind the drill center the whole time. We also had a pretty bad snow storm here last night. So it would have meant my husband would have been driving at least an hour (depending on road conditions), going to bed as soon as he got home, and then having to get up very early in the morning, only to have to brave the terrible roads again to drive back. Needless to say I still wanted him to come home. But that's the strange thing about being in love with someone. Even though it hurt so much I knew that I had to put his safety and frankly his sleep before my own needs. If he had decided to come home anyway I certainly wouldn't have tried to stop him. Even though it broke my heart I had to tell him that it was okay for him to just stay up there.

Well we still don't know where my husband's company is going (of course even if I did I wouldn't publish it here). They don't even have a deployment date yet. You know it seems like if they were going to activate a company then they might do it when they had a place for them to go and a time for them to leave. Not the Marine Corps! I can be as sensitive as the next girl but when it comes to my husband having to be away from me for a year OR TWO then I'm an emotional car wreck. Before my husband got activated I didn't even like it when he had to go to drill for the weekend because I missed him like crazy. Now the Marine Corps is asking . . . no telling me, that I have to be separated from my husband for up to two years! But don't worry because we'll get our housing paid for and we'll even get $100 a month to pay for him have to be away from me. Yay! That just makes it all better. I am simply not emotionally prepared to deal with this. I keep praying that God will keep him here with me and I know that nothing is impossible through Him if we believe, but it's not looking like it's going to happen. I don't want to start praying for peace about the situation because that means that he really is going to have to leave me and I don't know if I can face that yet.

Apparently the gag order on talking about my husband's activation didn't apply to everyone. The guy that told my husband to keep it quiet was quoted in a newspaper article the next day about the company's activation. So we've started telling our friends, my professors, our pastors, etc. Basically the more people that are praying for me and for my husband and his safe return, the better. We've finally found out exactly when he'll have to ship out for his schooling so it's nice to have some certainty. The guys in charge of the unit aren't telling them anything - whether it's because they're keeping it quiet or just don't know themselves remains to be seen. So even though we can tell people who care I still have that feeling of hiding behind a mask. People who I have just everyday encounters with will bring me to tears without even knowing why simply by asking about my husband. This sucks.

Have you ever been falling apart inside but felt like you had to bottle it up? Like you had to walk around like nothing's wrong? That's the way I've felt for the past 6 days. On Sunday when my husband and I got home from the lab at school we found a message on our machine. It was the Navy corpsman with his unit so we both assumed that the supply of Anthrax vaccines had come in and he would have to report to Lansing to receive his shot. We couldn't have been more wrong. We needed to by groceries so my husband and I went into town and he just called in on his cell phone. That call has changed my life forever. He turned very somber on the phone and wouldn't look at me. I usually jump to the conclusion that something is wrong so I tried to convince myself that I was over-reacting. But I wasn't. My husband hung up the phone and said, "We just got activated."

My husband was supposed to get his second anthrax shot this weekend. Luckily he got a call from his fire team leader that the Navy didn't get there shipment of shots in so that will have to wait. We had plans to go out with my hubby's parents this weekend so we went to the quack again. She tested my husband for Anthrax and it came up in his system - she says that a vaccine shouldn't still be there. It also came up that three different areas of blood coagulents are not behaving as they should. Which is very scary to me. So she's got his homeopathic supposedly combatting the affects of the vaccine as well as protecting him from Anthrax. I hope she's right.

Been awhile since I've written. I've been away at the Model Arab League for a class that I'm in. One of the things I love about that MAL is that it makes you step outside of the bubble that we as Americans live in and see things outside of that perspective. It's good for me to realize that there are a lot of countries out there that don't see the USA as a pioneer of freedom but as a big bully who won't leave anyone else alone. I think that this realization is especially important in our current situation.

By the way Happy Valentine's Day everyone - hope that you can all spend it with someone you love.

I have to admit that I have it pretty good as far as being a military wife. My husband drills once a month and then has school during the summer. Other than that we are normal newlyweds. However there is one thing that I wasn't prepared to deal with: an Anthrax "vaccine." I have heard so many terrible things about this vaccine and how it actually kills people. My mother-in-law took my husband and I to a "quack" (a homeopathic dr.) because I had been pretty sick for a long time. The quack's daughter had been in the military as well and she discussed the Anthrax vaccine with my husband: why not to take it, what it can do to you, what it actually is, etc. She also told us to let her know when he would have to get it done because she had a homeopathic that would nullify the vaccine and also protect from Anthrax. Well my husband had to take the first part of the Anthrax vaccine this past weekend. I say had to because he was ordered to take it and as a Marine he can't question that. I don't really understand why this vaccine is so bad but I can't help but worry about my husband. The military has made many mistakes in the past and right now I really don't trust their judgment.

My husband and I love the TV show "Scrubs." In one episode the hospital that the characters work at is compared to a monster. And they do the funny digital stuff that gives the building flaming mouth and eyes. Now of course the actual building itself has nothing to do with the doctors not having lives but they put their feelings on it as if it did. Now I say how much the Marine Corps is screwing up our lives and not letting us live like we want to, etc. Well I need to stop and think for a second here don't I? What exactly is the Marine Corps? It's a bunch of people across this nation and world, just like my husband, who are simply doing what they are told. Should I blame them? Of course not. But I have to blame someone, don't I?

So my husband's unit is apparently involved in an annual international Marine Competition. Yeah whatever the heck that means, because I don't get it. Anyway, now it sounds like his unit might not get activated before the competition because they have to compete. So now the sicko that I am, I'm hoping that if we do go to war, we'll get it over with before the competition. How can I be so selfish?

You know the expression, "Waiting for the other shoe to drop"? Well that's kind of how the Marine Corps is making me feel right now. It's like I almost can't go on with my life because I'm sitting here waiting for them to drop a big, ole combat boot right on all our hopes and dreams. And I hope that no one thinks that I'm a terrible person for this, but when I heard about the Columbia, after my initial shock and sadness, I honestly thought, "Well maybe this tragedy will help to cool Bush down and divert people's attention from war." I'm not proud of it but that's what I thought. I know that anyone who could have averted the Columbia situation would have and I can't help but wonder why the outcry for peace or at least UN backing hasn't been more. If the unexpected deaths of 7 people brought this much emotion then shouldn't the almost guaranteed loss of life that a war would involve require more consideration?

So my Husband and I have been waiting to receive word that he is going to be activated. So far nothing. And I'm happy about that. Whenever we've heard that he's going to be activated every phone call makes me want to run and hide. I know that chances are I will someday have to face the reality that he'll be leaving, but I've only been married for five months now and I'm sorry but I want to just enjoy being married right now. (And by the way that's a sarcastic I'm sorry because I am not going to apologize to the marine corps for wanting to be with my husband).

Hurry up and Wait

My husband has told me that the Marine Corps is all about hurry up and wait. Drill Instructors give recruits "five seconds" to make their racks, only to wait half an hour for the parade deck to be free. Recruits are given two minutes to get over to medical, only to wait an hour in line before their platoon can be seen. I'm learning that it's not just in boot camp that this principle is applied. My husband is in the reserves and twice we've been "unofficially" told that his unit is getting activated. So for a couple of days we run around like crazy arranging power of attorney, updating wills, and prepping gear. My husband and I even missed classes last winter when word came down the chain that they were going to be activated. Of course up to now he hasn't been activated.